| my heart is under arrest again. |
[10 Aug 2005|10:24pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"best of you" → foo fighters. |
] |
So, I suck at life and didn't make it to Toby's pool party. I'll make it up to you Tobes, I swear. Truth is I wasn't feeling too hot so I decided just to stay home. That's such a lie. I'm not wearing a bikini until I lose some weight, and a pool party wasn't exactly the place where I wanted to be because that would require duh, a bikini. I've lost a grand total of two pounds. Not a complete accomplishment but hey, you gotta start somewhere, right? JT finally reappeared out of nowhere so I'm gonna have to bug him sometime in the near future. And Em, girls night, this Saturday. No ifs, ands or buts. I'll even get a brand spanking new supply of peanut butter just for you.
Um, what else. I guess I'm feeling a bit better than I have been since Friday. Not. Count down til the sweet sixteen party is a grand total of five days and I'm not even sure if said party will happen. I know I've been all excited about it for months but now that it's coming up, I guess I'm not as excited anymore. Maybe that's because Sean's not here. Way to be cryptic, Santos. It doesn't help much my parents are rubbing this in my face. "Well, I told you he was no good for you, Manuela. All he did was mooch off our family until he decided to run off." Gee, thanks dad, that's what I really wanna hear right about now. I'll probably not change my mind, knowing Em she'll change it for me because we're going to "sip barcardi" and party like it's my birthday.
I'm gonna try and get some sleep. Later.
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| don't try and fix me, i'm not broken. |
[08 Aug 2005|11:32pm] |
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mood |
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blank |
] |
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music |
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"hello" → evanesence. |
] |
I don't know why I always put myself out there and trust guys when all that happens is I get a pretty hard slap in the face by reality every single time. I was happy to actually come home Friday. Not so much when I find out my boyfriend left without even saying goodbye. It's just .. I don't know. I thought out of every one I've ever dated, he was different. And just .. God. I don't even know what the hell to think. It's all kind of still a blur and I'm not making any fucking sense, I know. But I come to realize this weekend I'm done with the whole boyfriend mess for a long time. It didn't really take me long to get over Nate, that much is obvious, but it'll take a hell of a long time to get over whatever the hell happened with me and Sean. God, I feel sick. That's because you haven't fucking eaten anything, stupid. God. I've lost a pound or two and I thought I was doing it for him but I guess I'm just doing it for myself in the end or something like that. Boys suck. A lot. Don't come near me if you're a guy for a while. Unless you're like, Toby or something because I heart that kid.
Em, girls night, soon? I need it bad.
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| she'd be dealing with some issues that you can't believe. |
[01 Aug 2005|09:45pm] |
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mood |
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homesick like whoa |
] |
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music |
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"all falls down" → kanye west. |
] |
I'm gone for four days and Toby has gone gangsta. If I miss anything else, I am going to just sneak myself out of here.
Oh, right. What up from hell. I mean, cheer camp. But it might as well be hell because I am hungry and exhausted and want to come home. Well, I wouldn't be hungry if I you know, ATE something. But I need to lose weight and the only thing that's going in my stomach is those diet pills. I'll eat if I have too but it's not like I'm um, not gonna throw up afterwards since I'll feel incredibly fat. Chante is one of the girls in my cabin and she's already trying to torture me and turn me into the next Beyoncè or something by making me listen to Destiny's Child non-stop. In her words I'm apparently already "bootylicious" like Ms. Knowles but this is new to me. Not like you all needed to know that, but. Yeah.
Haven't talked to anyone since I got here. Wait, no. I've talked to Chris and of course Sean. Chris wants to bust me out of here himself apparently because he admitted that HE MISSES ME MAKING FUN OF HIM. Deny it all you want, Sharpe, Chante was there to bear witness so I win. Boo and yah. We'll um, disregard the fact he might have said he was in love with me. Because. JDSGJKSDHKSD! And. GFKDGHFDHK. Man. Bugged Sean about what he's getting me for my birthday which is in FOURTEEN DAYS PEOPLE. I always feel like I'm just annoying the hell out of him. I don't know, maybe I'm too clingy and that's why we haven't um, hadsexyetcausehedoesn'twanttoo. If I told Darcy that she's gonna give me the third degree. And then brag about her mind blowing sex with Chris. -- I am not jealous, I swear. I'M NOT!
Emma and D-Coop aka Darcy, we're having a party for my birthday. I'm not taking no for an answer because um, HELLO. It'll be my birthday, I am going to party like it's my birthday and have someone call me shorty. .. Geez, Chante has corrupted me. I feel like crap so I'm gonna attempt to get some sleep. Adios, amigos. I think I'll be home Wednesday or Thrusday.
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| please say honestly, you won't give up on me. |
[27 Jul 2005|02:14am] |
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mood |
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pensive |
] |
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music |
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i shall believe → sheryl crow. |
] |
Insomia is not a friend of mine. Is that even spelled right? I don't know. I've been trying to update this all day. It's not like I've been doing much, since I actually have a lot to update about instead of rambling for once. Gasp. Friday .. sucked. Let's just say Meet the Parents: Santos style didn't work as planned and my parents aren't exactly pleased with me at the moment. Not that I blame them. Sean cussing them out was totally out of line. He did a line of coke before hand -- nerves, he finally told me. And well, I can't stay mad at him for too long because he's .. Sean. Lame excuse, but when we're not fighting, which really isn't very often, he makes me feel completly amazing. I haven't really felt this way about a guy since Craig. Saturday I hung out with Chris at his house, eating popcorn and durr, making fun of him because he's such a loser and all. And he just had to rub in how much of an idiot he thinks Sean is. And Sunday .. was spent with durr, Sean. We hung out and ate PB&J, fruit-roll ups and watched Will and Grace. Good times.
Yesterday was the party at the random kid's house that I went to with my one and only partner in crime, Darcy. We met up with Chris so the three of us chilled and all that good stuff. And then they, cough, ditched me. Talked to Jimmy, also talked to Towerz. Hung out with Chris and Darcy again and then Chris walked me home. I am not jealous of him and Darcy, I am not jealous of him and Darcy. Afhgkfd. Went over to Sean's and I slept over there but uh, my parents thought I was at Darcy's. Whoops? Slept in all day today pretty much and got up, Sean and I just hung out eating cereal and making out talking. He's asleep and I'm typing away, retard fell asleep on me again. Except he's my retard and stuff.
And since it's Wednesday, later I'm going to be at Toby's little get together he's planning because I haven't hung out with him or Liberty, Em, and JT in a loooong time. Way too long if you ask me. And of course, I'll probably drag Sean along. Darcy's party is also tomorrow slash later today or Thrusday, you all should be there because duh, it's going to be awesome. And now I'm going to attempt to wake up my boyfriend just because he's snoring, so later.
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| i wanna lose control, i'm not afraid to lose it all. |
[22 Jul 2005|12:18am] |
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mood |
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.. not nervous? |
] |
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music |
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"let me fall" → alexz johnson. |
] |
What happens when your boyfriend falls asleep on you while you're watching Will and Grace reruns together? You borrow from his fruit roll-up supply and update your online journal in the middle of the night. Yes, I am THAT lame, folks. But c'mon, fruit roll ups are effing addicting. Besides, Sean's out of pringles.
I seriously have not much to update about since I'm sure you all don't want to hear me gush about how great my boyfriend is. Not to mention protective. My manager + looking at my ass = Sean wanting to punch him in the face. Which is um, really cute/hot if you ask me. Not the manager part, the Sean willing to kick a guy's ass for me part. We're supposed to go bowling sometime this weekend so he can laugh while I attempt to at least hit down ONE pin, and we're having dinner with my parents later today/tonight. So that um, should be fun I guess. And I'm not nervous at all about it. .. Yeah fucking right. In a nutshell things are pretty much perfect and I'm glad he's back, even if it was not even a week I missed him a lot. His parents want him to come back home. I'm so damn scared that's he's gonna end up leaving me. I just, you know, can't come out and SAY that.
I leave for cheerleading camp next Friday. It's for a week, so I'll be back on the thrid, preppy as hell. Except not really because I'm not that preppy in the first place? Who knows, I'm not making sense anyway. Darcy and Em, we should totally have girl's night Saturday because I will want to do that before I leave. The count down to my sixteenth birthday is tee-minus two/three weeks and counting. I AM EXPECTING A SURPRISE PARTY, I mean, what? No I'm not, I'm not even sure if I'm HAVING a party. But presents will be nice.
And now I'm off to raid the fridge since I'm thristy. Later.
EDIT: Hi Christopher Loser Sharpe, you are still lame no matter what they say. Words will um, bring you down? SHUT UP AT LEAST I'M EDITING THIS FOR YOU.
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| who'd ever thought i'd give a damn. |
[19 Jul 2005|04:54pm] |
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mood |
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moody |
] |
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music |
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"trouble" → bonnie mckee. |
] |
The fact that I missed a frikkin carnival to WORK depresses me. Okay, maybe not that far, but still. I hate my job. The getting free candy and movie discounts is a plus but uh, my manager is creepy to the max and calls me Manuela. The only person I let get away with that is my parents, but you know, cussing out your manager would result in getting fired. And I need the money. For what, I'm not sure. I talked about wanting to quit last night at dinner and my dad gave me the whole typical father-ly lecture, blah blah blah, I need to be responsible now that I'm going to be sixteen in a month, ect, ect. They're also talking about some cheerleading camp thingy that they want to send me too and .. yeah. Blah. My parents have it out for me, I swear. But it might be fun? I don't know, I haven't decided yet. And they asked if I told Sean about them wanting to meet them yet and I lied and said yes. Um, oops? Guess I'll tell him later.
Sean got back in town Sunday so I spent the entire time with him. He's staying at my brother's while he goes out of town for the kajillionth time, so. It was fun because I really missed him. A lot more than I realized. I don't know, there's these times where I get paranoid if he likes me as much as he says he does. And then I wonder what if I had started dating Chris instead of Sean. Not that I don't LOVE Sean, because I do. He gives me this gooey gummy, sickingly sweet feeling in my stomach. He makes me nervous, but in a good way. I just don't wanna mess things up with him. Sure, there's a part of me that still kinda likes Chris, but .. we're better off as friends. I have Sean and he has Hazel or Darcy, whatever girl he's liking this week. I hung out with him last night too, where he was stealing my sodas and eating my PB&J sandwich like a loser that he is. Kidding, he's my loser and I love him.
And now that I got the day off from work, I'm going back to eating ice cream and watching reruns of That 70's Show while I think of ways to get back at Sharpe for making fun of me and my spider problems. Darcy, Em, girls night soon? I could totally use it.
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| call me a bitch cause i speak what's on my mind. |
[16 Jul 2005|02:11pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
] |
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music |
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"can't hold us down" → christina aguilera ft. lil kim. |
] |
Three things that I've come to realize while cleaning my entire room this weekend (today, since it's only Saturday, but shh):
ONE: I miss Sean. A lot. Like seriously. I really hope he doesn't hate me for not telling him about my parents coming home because I feel like shit about it. And now they're talking about having him over for DINNER. That is going to be horrible in all kinds of ways because when he had dinner at Emma's forever ago she told me it didn't exactly go well because he was drunk. And. Shit. SHIT. Is it Sunday yet?
TWO: Chris Sharpe missed my hating on him and admitted that I could probably write better music than R.Kelly. Which is a given, because if I tried to write music it wouldn't be about BEING TRAPPED IN CLOSETS. Come on now. That is like, beyond retarded. I'd rather listen to my old *NSYNC CDs then that. .. Oh wait, I did that this morning. Oops. Anyway. I'm making Chris take me to see Hustle&Flow when it comes out because Ludacris is in it and we've determined that I'm more ghetto than a lot of people. .. Shut up, it's possible.
THREE: .. There really isn't one. Except that Emma and I need to hang out because I miss my best friend. Oh, and Will Smith needs to stick to acting because his song he has on the radio irritates the hell out of me. I mean, c'mon. He was good in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And the other movies of his that I've seen. .. Okay, I think I've only seen Men in Black and that was because my brother forced me to watch it just to scare the crap out of me. But still!
And now I'm done because my Christina Aguilera CD is skipping and that's making me sad.
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telling my whole life with his words. |
[13 Jul 2005|01:41am] |
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mood |
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awake |
] |
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music |
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"killing me softly" → the fugees. |
] |
So, the parental unit is back from their vacation. And I swear I heard my dad saying something to my mom about "forbidding me to see Sean." Um, hello. You cannot ban me from my boyfriend, I know my dad's protective and all but yeesh, he must have to have found something of .. oh, shit. Shiiiiit. If what happened that I think happened, I am so dead. I liked having the house to myself, but it's good to have them home. My mom's cooking doesn't suck ass like mine does, ha.
Sean went to go visit his brother, so I'm kinda in withdrawls since he left. Sad, I know. Only he didn't come and say goodbye to me, it's more like I got a voice mail that said "Hey, uh, I'm at Tracker's helping him move into his new place.. I'll be back Sunday. I uh .. love you." He's mad that I didn't tell him sooner, and I was meaning too, I just figured if he moved out and all it wouldn't be the same. But I guess maybe it's a good thing he isn't? I don't know, I miss him already and I feel like shit for not telling him sooner. My brother's letting him stay at his place though, if he wants too that is. But he'll be back in a couple of days, I'll be fine. I think.
I've been working a lot so I haven't really hung out with anyone. Em, we need to hang out soon cause I haven't talked to you in foreverness. Sames goes for you, Sharpe. Although I haven't really talked to him. I just figured it'd piss Sean off and that wasn't really the greatest thing to do. I mean, he is my boyfriend but Chris is still my friend. And .. for anyone else too, my social life has eben down the tubes lately. I'm gonna go sleep, so later.
PS, R.Kelly makes horrible music that makes even baby Jesus cry. The end.
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| countin' all the reasons why my mind is spinning around. |
[06 Jul 2005|03:37pm] |
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mood |
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uncomfortable |
] |
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music |
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"tomorrow" → lillix. |
] |
My Mom called from the Philipines this morning. I guess they're coming back Saturday night. I told her that Sean was staying here and she flipped. I guess having a guy she doesn't know in her house, even IF it IS my boyfriend. She asked me how long he's been there and I told her it was just until he found a job and a new apartment, but she still said he "better be out by the time she and my father get home." Yeah, now to tell Sean that is not going to well. Maybe I should just um, keep it to myself and hint around it. I guess it was a good talk, nothing special.
Ran into Chris at the store the other night where he was being a loser and hit on some old lady. Way to try and get us kicked out, Sharpe. He came over and brought me ice cream yesterday which was cool of him. It's been kind of awkward between us but that's expected. And I have a feeling Sean's going to get on my case for letting him come over.
And now, it's off to work. Yay?
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| heaven help me for the way i am. |
[02 Jul 2005|12:43pm] |
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mood |
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groggy |
] |
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music |
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"criminal" → fiona apple. |
] |
Let's see what I've done since the last time I've updated this thing. Hung out with Chris after his mom's funeral and got into this wombo chocolate syrup/water/whip cream fight because he's a loser and I'm the master of cheering people up when they need to be. Just kidding, sort of. Went to the beach yesterday and hung out with Emma for the first time in foreeeever, which I missed a lot because she's still my best friend and all. Went to Chris' after to hang out, came home, yay. Except I got fucking drunk off my ass and Chris and I kissed. Or that's all I remember. Fuck. And then I told Sean and well, I don't know. He's disappointed in me and I hate that. I kept saying he was going to break up with me and we got into this semi-huge fight but I think we're okay? I don't know. I'm stupid and always have to mess things up when they start to get good again.
And now I'm going to attempt to make breakfast for me and the boyfriend since I need to make up for last night anyhow since I just got up, later.
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| i love the way you make me feel. |
[30 Jun 2005|03:26pm] |
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mood |
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content |
] |
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music |
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"energy" → natalie. |
] |
Oh my God, someone tell Mariah Carey to release a new song before I throw my radio out the window next time "We Belong Together" comes on. Thanks.
Anyway! Two updates in one week .. yeah, I'm that bored. Shut up, Chris. Ha. Went to the loser's house the other night/morning because he can't handle his Santos withdrawls. Kidding, sort of. I feel really bad for the guy. I mean, I'd be going insane if one of my parents die and he just acts like it's not a big deal. And then he says I'm pretty much all he's got or something, I was probably hearing things because it was one AM when I went over there but .. yeah. Dang. Talked to Jimmy on AIM the other night too, said something about the grade eleven kids going on a road trip..? Uh. Yeah. Like hell I would go are you kidding me. Craig, Ashley and me in the same car. Riiight.
Went to the mall yesterday. I needed new CDs, and duh, where else to go other than the mall. Hung out with Chris for about five seconds until I saw Sean and went to talk to him. He thinks I ditched him for Chris or that I like Chris, I have no idea. The boy is so stubborn sometimes, I swear. I had to drill into his head that there was nothing going on with me and Chris cause well .. there's not. And then being the IDIOT I am, the L word slips out and he gets all weird. But I guess it worked out because when he came home last night he said he loved me? Which you know, I had to try not to squeal like a moronic teenage girl. Heard Jimmy got his ass kicked by Jay, Towerz and that random Dominican kid and had to go to jail? Wooow, okay. Only at Degrassi, folks.
And now it's off to work. Fuuun.
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| you say your life can't get any better, then where it's at. |
[27 Jun 2005|08:54pm] |
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mood |
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okay |
] |
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music |
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"glad" → tyler hilton. |
] |
Gasp, I'm actually updating. Everyone take five seconds to be amazed and all that junk. You good? Okay. Went to the Dot in the first time in like, a kazillion years earlier today. Hung out with everyone's favorite loserface/the biggest hater of them all, Chris, and Hazel. Which was all kinds of fun because Hazel and I haven't talked in forever and we were making fun of Chris pretty much the entire time. And he was acting really weird and .. uh, not Chris like? I asked him if he was okay and he blew up at me with one of those "like you would care." comment. He's one of my best friends, of course I care. And I'm probably not supposed to worry about him that much because he's not my boyfriend or anything but .. yeah.
All is good in the Santos house wise. My parents aren't due back for another week or two, Sean's still job/apartment hunting but I'm sure they won't mind him still being here when they get back since, uh, my Dad's met Sean before through my brother. Or I hope they won't mind. He thinks I have good cheer leading abs so, duh, that obviously means I win. The end.
And this is probably yet another lame update, but yeah. That's all. Someone come hang out with me before Sharpe corrupts me into being a huge loser/hater like him.
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| what you gonna do when it all comes out? |
[22 Jun 2005|11:00pm] |
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mood |
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weird |
] |
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music |
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"don't lie" → black eyed peas. |
] |
I suck at updating. Haven't really done much, I suppose. Went to Paige's party for about point five seconds and then went home. Been hanging out with Liberty a lot, talked to Emma the other day. Other than that I've been hanging out with Sean. Even living together for a month or whatever I thought we'd kinda, you know, see each other more and that hasn't happened. Eh. Ice cream stains are hard to get out of the carpet when your boyfriend drops the carton on the floor but I guess that's payback for shoving some down his shirt. Oops?
Yeah, this update's lamer than Sharpe, so I'm outtie.
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| take me to the place you cry from. |
[13 Jun 2005|10:39pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
] |
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music |
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"inside your heaven" → carrie underwood. |
] |
So, finding your boyfriend doing coke in his kitchen is weird. And scary. Even as scary when you find it in his sock drawer the next night. Needless to say we got into this huge fight and I flushed that crap down the toilet. There's a lovely hole in his bathroom wall now, but it's all good. Or I think it is? Who knows, the important thing that he's not going to do it anymore. I think.
So Liberty and I went to Spinner's party and that was .. uh. Pretty boring. Chris flirting with Liberty didn't bug me one little bit. Nope. I mean, why would it? My parents are going to the Philipines for a month. Which means I have the entire house to myself. How awesome is that? And since Sean has stopped getting money from his brother AND his parents needs a place to stay for a while until he gets a new place, he's staying with me. Am I awesome or what? I helped him pack his stuff and everything. And found pictures of him and Ellie which kinda freaked me out even more but he threw them away. I didn't ask why he still had them though, silly me. Even though, uh, packing sucks and I hate it with a passion. Sean knows this because I was pouting and bitching and ended up throwing socks at him. I'm such a sweetheart, I know.
Anyways, Peeeeeeeeeeter! We are hanging out soon so you can teach me the ways of Star Wars even though I'll just .. end up sitting there confused out of my mind. The end.
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| throw my life away on a dream that won't come true. |
[11 Jun 2005|01:18pm] |
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mood |
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blank |
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music |
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"there are worse things i could do" → stockard channing. |
] |
I really don't even have much to say. Mr. Simspon was a better father figure to me than, you know, my own dad. The school's really not going to be the same without him. Or Emma. I can't believe she's moving. I don't think I could imagine starting school without her, at all. It's always been me and her together since, what, kindergarten? I really, really really hope she ends up not moving. Even though we haven't talked much lately. But that's probably more so my fault.
I guess there's a party tonight? I guess I might show up, who knows. For right now I'm gonna go finish watching Grease and pig out on Ben and Jerry's.
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| i'm restless, can't you see i try my bestest? |
[06 Jun 2005|01:37am] |
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music |
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"bubble pop electric" → gwen stefani. |
] |
Prom? Was all kinds of amazingness. I'm probably one of the last people to update about it, but, eh, whatever. Sean picked me up and we walked there, talked more like kissed a lot? and stuff. I hung out with him pretty much the entire time, except when I saw the loser Chris at the end and hung out with him for a while. And I guess he still likes me? I figured he was totally into Darcy, and I feel bad because we had a couple of almost kisses, plus I like Sean. A lot. But, fuck. Why are things always so damn complicated?
Tonight was pretty awesome. Went to the mall in search of some CDs for Broody because all that's in his collection is Eminem or other rap and all that talks about is T&A. But uh, the mission sort of failed because I was tempted to buy him a Good Charlotte CD just because he kept insisting that I like Hilary Duff. Eww. We went to the food court for pizza and bumped into Em, JT and Toby, and I haven't really hung out with any of them in ages so we really need to do that again.
My parents are talking about going somewhere for summer vacation. Where, I don't know. But my birthday is coming up in two months which rocks. I expect presents, haha. Just kidding. Or am I? And that's about it. Sucky update, I know, but it's time for my pretty little behind to get some sleep. Besides, school in the morning and I can't wait. Please note the sarcasam.
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| really wanna work this out, don't think you're gonna change. |
[01 Jun 2005|04:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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busy |
] |
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music |
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"burn" → usher. |
] |
So, I'm alive. Cause of disappearance? My parents' folks were in town and I was dragged around like a five year old would drag their parent around Toys R Us. Prom's Friday and I'm nervous as all hell, but I finally got my dress. I'll end up posting the pictures in a bit, but I just wanted to let you all know that yes, Manny Santos is alive and kickin'.
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| you sting and hurt like a bad tattoo. |
[23 May 2005|01:08pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
] |
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music |
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"overdrive" → katy rose. |
] |
I haven't really been up to much that's really update worthy. All I've been doing is going to school, spirit squad and my lovely job at Hollywood Video. Which, you know, isn't really that bad because I get discounts on candy and movies. Plus I happen to look good in black and purple, so it's a win/win situation. Prom's next week already, and I still haven't gone dress shopping with Em yet. I might run for queen but, yeah, fat chance of me actually winning, right? But I need to go shopping with Em because I haven't hung out with anyone except Sean lately. Which I can't complain about, except, you know, it's awkward when your ex-boyfriend walks in on you making out with what could be your new boyfriend? No doubt in my mind that Nate probably hates me now. And occassionaly I hang out with Mr. Loserface himself, aka Chris, so. Yeah.
Mr. S is kicking me out of MI, so I should go grab something to eat before lunch is over. Peace out and all that.
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santos_manuela's journal